Torn and meta-thinking 

I might have touched on this subject in the past, but I constantly feel torn between my brainwashing that every waking minute should be productive, and my wanting to enjoy what I am doing at that moment.

You might say, but what you enjoy doing can be productive too! Well, mindless browsing the Internet is not productive, I’d say.

I noticed that I do not enjoy my weekends because of the constant questions to myself:

  • Am I doing something useful?
  • Is there something else I could be doing with my time that is better?
  • What other activity would be a better use of my time?
  • Am I enjoying myself at this moment?
  • Am I being mindful about what I am doing?

You see that this meta-thinking does not a relaxing weekend make.

One answer is being in the moment and being mindful. Prioritization should accompany this, in my opinion. Otherwise, I can just procrastinate mindfully. (I wonder, is this possible even? Can one be mindful while procrastinating, or does one cancel out the other, so to speak?)

However, if I am meta-thinking and wondering if I am being mindful, that is not really being mindful in the first place. I guess one way to try and solve this is meditation, if articles on the Internet should prove of any use.

My lizard brain does not want to meditate though! It does not give any instant satisfaction.

On the other hand, every person is different, so there isn’t a one-solution-fits-all. For some, walking in the forest can be a type of meditation and mindfulness practice. For others, painting.

Me? I have not found mine yet, sadly. Mindless browsing on the Internet does not count! The search for my cure continues.